Hey guys
Skipper I'm including you in this b/c we're working together and since
John IS your brother (which is totally kewl) there is something I need to
confess.
I don't know how to start...
I have a very hard time opening up and sharing information about my
Cancer. It just isn't a normal topic of conversation and it causes so much
grief to others that it's easier to be silent then upset anyone.
When I do share, my experience over the past 9 months has been *little is
ofen best.* Most ppl just don't know how to respond, or can't deal w/ it
and some have turned their backs on me completely. You know the last thing
I want is for anyone to *pity* me, I won't tolerate that b/c I need to be
positive about the *fight for my life*.
I went into the hospital after Christmas, and I told everyone it was for a
new Bone Marrow procedure. Well, when the Dr. and I first discussed this,
it was the truth. There were no Bone Marrow matches for me at the time and
my need was not classified as *urgent* so the filtering procedure seemed
the best option.
At the end of Nov. between the anemia and destruction of cells from
chem/radiation I was having a lot of trouble being exausted (and stubborn
me, I refused to slow down or miss bball)
They told me I really needed to have the BMT to help b/c I needed NEW GOOD
cells but if a donor was't found the chances of the filtering working was
not the greatest.
Thankfully, a donor was found, it wasn't the best of matches but enough to
take a chance.
So I was in the hospital 3 weeks after Christmas. I recieved the BMT, and
w. some complications due to infection I struggled w/ all of it alone.
I really thought it was the best decision, the last thing I wanted was to
create more heartache for my friends and family. I'd rather suffer alone
then know I'm hurting them.
The news in the first tests indicated the Cancer was no longer in
remission. I was devastated.
Since getting out of the hospital I've been an emotional yo-yo. The fear
of Bone Marrow rejection is a moment by moment threat. I have had a few
minor problems w/ it but nothing critical. Things are holding steady
(showing slight improvements) so I'm trying to stay on top of it all.
I'm an energetic type person, so some of these limitations have been hard
on me. I don't let it stand in my way b/c I can't. If I did I wouldn't get
anything accomplished and I have MANY things to do yet!!
I've been feeling so guilty about not telling the entire truth. It just
seemed best to not go into great detail. I'm sorry about that. I hope you
won't think less of me b/c of it.
Everydays an adventure. Everydays a chance to shine. Everydays a reason to
live, love and learn. I can always think of something to push me that
extra mile. I worry about what my future has for me but I won't stop
reaching for my dreams b/c if I did, there would be no reason to live.
I have a lot of living to do...and I intend to do it! ;-)
So yah...I'm still moving to SD in Sept. and we're going to have the
BIGGEST party to celebrate my birthday...and you better BE THERE!!
*LOL* I'm giving you plenty of warning! Mark it...Sept. 10, 2000
Kaycee Rocks the Planet! lmao oh well we can try!!
ok that is basically all I have to say.
Physically I'm doing great, emotionally I'm trying to hold my own...but
It's ALL good!
Thanks for the ear!
You guys Rock!!
Ciao
Kaycee ;-)
*I'm a Genie in a bottle, baby*
~ Kaycee ~
~ CC HOST ~
~ Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and
to play and to look up at the stars.
~ I listened, motionless and still; and as I mounted up the hill, the
music in my heart I bore, long after it was heard no more. ~ William
Wordsworth
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